BOO articles like this.

I'm having a super grumpy morning. Be warned. Yes, I know, if you went by this blog alone, you'd think that my entire life was one piece of grumpitude, but hey. Writing is therapy and all that. I ran away from the playground, left my big boy and my hubby there, and am sitting in a cafe with a double-shot latte and a croissant, my little one sleeping against my chest, hoping that will help somehow.

I read an article. I really should stop doing that. It was entitled 15Weird Ways Breastfeeding Messes With Your Mind, and I was interested. I KNOW that my mind is royally messed by breastfeeding, but what about everyone else?

Turns out I'm not like everyone else.

Boo articles like this.

'It makes you hoard milk like you are secretly a squirrel.'
Right, so I should have taken that as a sign and stopped reading there. I suppose it has made me hoard milk, but not my own. And yes, I am very precious with it, but no, I don't feel 'such a strange sense of pride when I see those little milk badges of honour', though goodness I'd love to.

'Crying babies in public scare you... Must retreat quickly before my milk lets down!'
I have many cute, lace-lined washable breast pads that were bought particularly for this reason. Do you know where they are? In land-fill. At least I didn't burn them.

My favourite?

   10. You feel like flexing when your baby gets weighed at the doctor’s office. Yeah! Look what I did! Milk power, baby! Cue cheering in your own head as you leap onto an imaginary    pedestal and accept your gold medal for most powerful breast milk ever.


I've already posted a disclaimer about the fact that I may write completely irrational things with regard to breastfeeding. Here is another one: I look at my baby's beautiful beautiful beautiful little chubilicious feet, and instead of feeling proud that I am feeding him the amount that he wants and needs (and my boy really does believe that he needs feet that chubby!), I wonder how much of that is from my milk, and how much from supplement. The first knuckle – Is that the supplement knuckle? Ridiculous, I know. This is absolutely the thing that I crave most – this knowledge. I did that. All by myself.




I've never been good at accepting help. From people or from milk.

2 comments

  1. I think I completely understand how you feel... When Louis was smaller we would like at him marvelling at how my boobs had grown a pretty contented little human... And the truth is... That is what you are doing too... Babies don't nurse just for milk... They nurse for love and that love is 100% yours 😊 I used to wonder about milk quality and quantity as my little man wanted to nurse every hour sometimes or for an hour at a time... Was it enough... Was it rich enough? Everyone has struggled and I feel pretty lucky and in awww when I hear your story... You could have given up... You did not... You could have gone bottle... You did not... Or formula and again you did not... Instead you chose a really demanding and committed party to ensure your little man has the best start in life...I can only imagine the stress and the worries but I think you can reassure your self... Those chubby toes in all their rounded glory... They are ALL yours because you do an amazing job 😍 soon he will start real food and you won't ask yourself if you made that or if a quarter of avocado did it 😉

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    Replies
    1. Wow. Rarely does anyone say anything that actually makes a real impression on my way of thinking. But wow, you are totally right. I would never ask myself if it was my milk or some avocado that made that little wrist roll.

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